So I’m now 4-and-a-bit months pregnant, and it doesn’t really show yet. To everyone else. To me, there’s a huge difference already. My waist is about 3 inches bigger than it used to be, my fitted clothes don’t fit, and the handspan gap between the bottom of my tops and the top of my bottoms (read that again if it didn’t make sense the first time) is leaving my belly cold in the lovely British greyness of impending winter.
More importantly, I have unfulfilled sartorial needs. The party season is approaching, and I wanna rock the maternity fashion boat like a colicky infant’s cradle. Tis well known that MI likes the shiny stuff, and there is little or no fetish maternity wear available off-the-peg. My options appear to be limited to the following:
- Create a cocoon-skirt ensemble by wrapping myself in bondage tape. This has the benefit of being relatively cheap, and adjustable in fit as I get bigger, but I have my reservations about using it for a party outfit in case some little grunt finds a loose end and unravels my outfit while I’m rooting through the breadsticks.
- Spend £250 to get a custom latex maternity dress made up for me by a kindly designer (thanks Kaori Matsubara for the offer), which in another 6 months will become obsolete since I don’t intend to get pregnant a second time.
- Learn *very* quickly to make my own latex clothes, which means buying cutters, glues, solvents, patterns, and a whole heap of sheet latex to practise on before I can ever make my dream dress. I did Google up the Making Latex Clothing blog by Latex Kitty, but I’m not convinced I could get up to the necessary standard in just a couple of months.
- Resort to PVC instead of latex. Now I like PVC but really, it has its place and that place is on my ass. It’s great for trousers and miniskirts, but shite for dresses and anything that you want to have a bit of drape or flow. Plus, I haven’t seen any PVC maternity clothes for sale either so I’d still have to engage a designer or hack out my own…
- Wear stuff with DIY belly cut-outs to accommodate my bump. OK, this would work in terms of fit, but did you read the part about the winter and the chill and the greyness? It’d be a nifty look for the summer, but this is a winter pregnancy and it’s not gonna look so hot if my bump is mottled purple with cold.
I am at a hair-pulling, teeth-grinding loss. Do I shell out for the custom latex and hope to recoup the cost by booking a few pregnant fetish fashion shoots? Do I start trying to learn the art of latexery (new word?) only to find that the best I can manage is a wrinkly-seamed mess? Do I give up and wear a duvet from now until the birth (and possibly thereafter until the flab and postnatal depression have subsided)? Grrrrr….
I don’t really expect anyone to have all the answers, but if you have anything helpful to offer then get in touch – my belly needs you!
Make a donation to the Shiny Things For Machiavelli Id fund and earn my undying gratitude :)
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