Toddlers affect every single aspect of your existence. Yes, of course having a baby does that anyway, but toddlers are a lot harder to keep up with. Here are 7 ways to recognise that your toddler has taken over your life:
1. You can name every character on In the Night Garden
2. You do know what day it is, but only because the kids’ TV presenters were singing about it.
3. Your most exciting conversation today went along the lines of, “What’s that?” “It’s a shoe.” “What’s that?” “A shoe.” “What’s that?” “Still a shoe.” “What’s THAT?” “That, surprisingly enough, is the same shoe you asked about earlier. It’s a shoe.” “What’s that?”…
4. You find raisins in your shoes, in your bed, in your pockets, and generally stuffed into any orifice not covered by your underwear.
5. You can’t find your keys, your phone, or any written material that’s escaped being reviewed and corrected in green crayon.
6. You spend all day trying to track down the source of an irritating humming noise. You wonder if you have tinnitus. Then you find out it’s coming from a singing toy that’s been left on for so long it only makes ghost sounds.
7. You decide to write more list posts on your blog. They take a bit less effort than epic rants, and nobody will notice if you phone in one or two posts, right? Right.
As a further cheap shot, here’s a photo of ye toddler to make you go all “ahhh…”. Or, possibly, “Aaargh!”
P.S. If you don’t have a blog, just read #7 as “You decide to write more lists.” It’s something every parent does, but I can’t guarantee it’ll help (or that you’ll be able to find the damn lists again later when your memory’s shot).
Peace out, or some such gay gangsta shit.
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