Heads up for a girly new sex toy dealer!
Just a quick one (fnar) to let the girly girls know about Pretty Little Sex Toys, an inoffensive new online sex toys & accessories store.
They’re very pink and feminine, with a compact ‘n’ bijou range of favourite classics instead of a huge warehouse full of alarming things you can’t identify at first glance. If you like the idea of sex toys or gentle bondage play, but don’t want to have to trawl through loads of fetish gear / toys for men / “realistic” veiny fake cocks, then this is the site for you.
They’re polite enough that you could send even a fairly twitchy boyfriend there to buy you a gift, safe in the knowledge that he won’t think you’re replacing him with a high-tech fuck-robot, and he also won’t be able to buy you anything disappointingly tacky (like he easily could in, for example, Ann Summers). Win-win.
If, however, you like your sex stuff freaky, filthy and fetish [huzzah!], then you might want to look elsewhere – more on that another day.
Image credit: Last NYC Hero
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Design a sex toy, win £1000 AND get it made!
My favourite sexy shop LoveHoney is running its “Design A Sex Toy” competition again. They’ve already facilitated the invention and production of the amazing Sqweel oral sex simulator for women, and now they’re looking for this year’s most innovative sex toy design from you.
I’ve hardly got time to even think about sex, let alone come up with drawings and descriptions of imaginary toys, so I’m relying on you rabble. Dream up something amazing. Design the toy you always wanted. Better yet, design the toy I always wanted. That way I can buy one when you win.
For those of you who, like me, aren’t going to get an entry in (fnar!) this year… if you’ve got any good ideas, share them in the comments section and maybe someone can turn them into a winning design.
If I could have anything designed for me, I think I’d go for some kind of sensory deprivation & restraint system built into a comfy sex lounger with uptilted ends and a soft but supportive midsection. Supple, black, shiny materials. Velvety facings. No leg restraints (I just don’t get on with them). Multi-position wrist cuffs and a few D-rings for hooking extra bits to. Loose accessories: blindfold (not an airline-freebie-style “eye mask”), earplugs, thick soft gloves, silk hood with a soft cuff around the neck. I like the classics.
You have your brief. Go, design, win! And when you do, call it the Machiavelli. ;-)
MI’s pregnant housework fetish shoot
With thanks to mum for the loan of her kitchen and her feather duster thingy…
Machiavelli Id by Brian Southam
These pics are from my second fetish shoot with Brian Southam (Brian2008 on modelling networks, should you want to look him up). They were taken just 4 days before I gave birth, and I’d already had another shoot earlier that day, hence me being proper knackered and wasting a few captures by looking half asleep.
Machiavelli Id by Brian Southam
Fortunately Brian’s one of the most easygoing togs I’ve worked with, so he pretended not to notice the huge dark circles under my eyes while I dusted, washed up, handcuffed myself to the fridge and tried to eat a Muller Crunch Corner one-handed. Enjoy, fetish fans.
Machiavelli Id by Brian Southam
Super Size Me
So I’m now 4-and-a-bit months pregnant, and it doesn’t really show yet. To everyone else. To me, there’s a huge difference already. My waist is about 3 inches bigger than it used to be, my fitted clothes don’t fit, and the handspan gap between the bottom of my tops and the top of my bottoms (read that again if it didn’t make sense the first time) is leaving my belly cold in the lovely British greyness of impending winter.
More importantly, I have unfulfilled sartorial needs. The party season is approaching, and I wanna rock the maternity fashion boat like a colicky infant’s cradle. Tis well known that MI likes the shiny stuff, and there is little or no fetish maternity wear available off-the-peg. My options appear to be limited to the following:
- Create a cocoon-skirt ensemble by wrapping myself in bondage tape. This has the benefit of being relatively cheap, and adjustable in fit as I get bigger, but I have my reservations about using it for a party outfit in case some little grunt finds a loose end and unravels my outfit while I’m rooting through the breadsticks.
- Spend £250 to get a custom latex maternity dress made up for me by a kindly designer (thanks Kaori Matsubara for the offer), which in another 6 months will become obsolete since I don’t intend to get pregnant a second time.
- Learn *very* quickly to make my own latex clothes, which means buying cutters, glues, solvents, patterns, and a whole heap of sheet latex to practise on before I can ever make my dream dress. I did Google up the Making Latex Clothing blog by Latex Kitty, but I’m not convinced I could get up to the necessary standard in just a couple of months.
- Resort to PVC instead of latex. Now I like PVC but really, it has its place and that place is on my ass. It’s great for trousers and miniskirts, but shite for dresses and anything that you want to have a bit of drape or flow. Plus, I haven’t seen any PVC maternity clothes for sale either so I’d still have to engage a designer or hack out my own…
- Wear stuff with DIY belly cut-outs to accommodate my bump. OK, this would work in terms of fit, but did you read the part about the winter and the chill and the greyness? It’d be a nifty look for the summer, but this is a winter pregnancy and it’s not gonna look so hot if my bump is mottled purple with cold.
I am at a hair-pulling, teeth-grinding loss. Do I shell out for the custom latex and hope to recoup the cost by booking a few pregnant fetish fashion shoots? Do I start trying to learn the art of latexery (new word?) only to find that the best I can manage is a wrinkly-seamed mess? Do I give up and wear a duvet from now until the birth (and possibly thereafter until the flab and postnatal depression have subsided)? Grrrrr….
I don’t really expect anyone to have all the answers, but if you have anything helpful to offer then get in touch – my belly needs you!
***Mercenary Postscript:
Make a donation to the Shiny Things For Machiavelli Id fund and earn my undying gratitude :)
You can take the girl out of the torture chamber, but…
“I like to inflict happiness. If that means suffering, I assist.”
I said this to someone earlier today, and it snagged my thoughts for a while.
The notion of happiness as inflicted, implying an unwilling victim. The choice of “assist” [unspoken "...with"], rather than inflict, indulge, provide, or any other verb that only flows one way. The phrasing, the sound of the sentences in my head, the way that voice came so naturally when the conversation turned to domination and submission, sadism and masochism.
To clarify, because I’m aware I may not have mentioned it before:
Once upon a time, a long long time ago, I was a professional dominatrix. I did this because it paid well, and it sounded like less effort and trauma than working in a call centre. I liked the shiny clothes that felt like armour, the accessories made of steel and black leather. I was good at it. The words and mannerisms came easily, the psychological game was a ritual I found satisfying. The drive to mesmerise and torment my prey was instinctive.
I left that line of work more than a decade ago. I don’t miss it. It was sad to go so unchallenged, to be left with nothing to push against, to know that any resistance I encountered was offered only with hopes that it would be overcome.
The instinct is still there, but the flavour of the game has changed. I’m one half of a matched pair, as likely to be a happy little kitten as a prowling tigress. My love is multifaceted, refractive, sparkling at the centre of a radiant spectrum of desires. You can’t take the torture chamber out of the girl, but that doesn’t matter when you already have the key.
Machiavelli Id
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