WTF Happened There?
I just had one of those mad traffic spikes: not a StumbleUpon flashmob, not a run of Facebook click-throughs, but a burst of activity that comes mainly from organic search.
Look:
As it turns out, I had a lot of hits from people searching for Mike Crawley. Which isn’t surprising, because he’s an expert and because he does nudie photos.
There were a couple of hours there when it was all just busy, busy, busy – for this place, at least. I’m used to pootling along at no more than a hundred or so views a day most of the time, so this was pretty fucking unusual.
So who were those passing pervs? Will they be back? Did they find what they were looking for? What does it all mean?
You Asked For It (You Sick, Sick Puppies): Fetish Fan Photo Requests
OK, I keep getting asked about fetish images and bdsm in particular, so here’s a quick guide to what I’ve got for you:
- Naked ballet and other nude dance: There are still more photos from my “naked ballet in the woods” session with BD-Company.co.uk that I’ll post up sometime soon, but if you really love the nude ballet that much then I can always shoot more. I can tap dance, clog dance, pole dance, hoe-down and do jazz hands “interpretative dance” shit, too, so if you’ve got a “specialist” naked dancing fetish you’ll have to leave me a message about it and I’ll see what I can do. No Charleston though; I never got the hang of that one.
- Pregnancy fetish / various pregnant fetish subgenres like pregnant bdsm, pregnant housework, pregnant in suspenders and so on: Yes, there are lots of photos I didn’t post in the gallery when I was pregnant. I’ll put some more of them up if you like.
- Housework fetish, nude housework, and cleaning fetishes from rubber gloves and washing dishes to scrubbing floors to vacuum cleaning and feather dusters: I have loads of these photos already, and I’ll probably shoot more housework fetish pics in 2012.
- Food fetish / WAM / wearing food: OK, you obviously like this idea a lot. I haven’t posted up many foody photos yet, so I’ll plan a special food fetish photo shoot just for you. Now, what to wear?
- BDSM and other control fetishes: I’ve got quite a few bdsm sets kicking around – I’ll liberate some of the photos from storage and put them up. If you’re into sadomasochism, I’ve got a lovely Wartenberg pinwheel I’ve been meaning to use in a shoot.
- Girly sex: I’m not sure what you’re looking for when you people type this into your Bings and Googles… do you mean like 2 girls together in a faux-lesbian pose? Do you mean girly like all giggly and squeal-y and wearing a pink sweater? Nobody’s directly asked me about it, but I’ve noticed you turning up here looking for it, so if you let me know what it is you want I’ll point you in the right direction.
- What else? Well, that’s mostly up to me but it’s partly up to you, too, – let me know what kind of photos you want to see more of, and I’ll start plotting the next year’s fetish & bdsm photo shoots.
Heads up for a girly new sex toy dealer!
Just a quick one (fnar) to let the girly girls know about Pretty Little Sex Toys, an inoffensive new online sex toys & accessories store.
They’re very pink and feminine, with a compact ‘n’ bijou range of favourite classics instead of a huge warehouse full of alarming things you can’t identify at first glance. If you like the idea of sex toys or gentle bondage play, but don’t want to have to trawl through loads of fetish gear / toys for men / “realistic” veiny fake cocks, then this is the site for you.
They’re polite enough that you could send even a fairly twitchy boyfriend there to buy you a gift, safe in the knowledge that he won’t think you’re replacing him with a high-tech fuck-robot, and he also won’t be able to buy you anything disappointingly tacky (like he easily could in, for example, Ann Summers). Win-win.
If, however, you like your sex stuff freaky, filthy and fetish [huzzah!], then you might want to look elsewhere – more on that another day.
Image credit: Last NYC Hero
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Design a sex toy, win £1000 AND get it made!
My favourite sexy shop LoveHoney is running its “Design A Sex Toy” competition again. They’ve already facilitated the invention and production of the amazing Sqweel oral sex simulator for women, and now they’re looking for this year’s most innovative sex toy design from you.
I’ve hardly got time to even think about sex, let alone come up with drawings and descriptions of imaginary toys, so I’m relying on you rabble. Dream up something amazing. Design the toy you always wanted. Better yet, design the toy I always wanted. That way I can buy one when you win.
For those of you who, like me, aren’t going to get an entry in (fnar!) this year… if you’ve got any good ideas, share them in the comments section and maybe someone can turn them into a winning design.
If I could have anything designed for me, I think I’d go for some kind of sensory deprivation & restraint system built into a comfy sex lounger with uptilted ends and a soft but supportive midsection. Supple, black, shiny materials. Velvety facings. No leg restraints (I just don’t get on with them). Multi-position wrist cuffs and a few D-rings for hooking extra bits to. Loose accessories: blindfold (not an airline-freebie-style “eye mask”), earplugs, thick soft gloves, silk hood with a soft cuff around the neck. I like the classics.
You have your brief. Go, design, win! And when you do, call it the Machiavelli. ;-)
Oh gods, I’m a mommyblog
It’s come to my attention that my blog now has (a) lots of mentions of Mini-MI, and (b) absolutely bugger all modelling going on because I’m too busy writing and raising a baby to get my shit together and scrub up for a shoot. Can this state of affairs continue?
Let’s be clear on this point: I’m not about to turn the site pink or start thinking I’m Dooce. And I’m a bit less kerr-azy than The Blogess, so the title of Kookiest Mum Online isn’t up for grabs either. But I like being able to share my chaotic parenting skillz (would you take a book called Chaotic Parenting down off the shelf?) and occasional outbursts of maternal pride with you. So the baby stuff is in. Feel free to go & look at Barbies instead if you prefer your girls non-reproductive.
That said, I’m buying a new camera soon. Then I can set up my own shoots, and the Animal can push the trigger for me. So far I’ve been thinking of maybe doing a set in our nice new shower, and there must be something I can do with the Kinect… oh, and I’ve still got my LoveHoney Real Top Model prizes to show off, if they fit after all this time.
Any other ideas?
Image courtesy of Gabi Menashe via FlickrMI’s pregnant housework fetish shoot
With thanks to mum for the loan of her kitchen and her feather duster thingy…
Machiavelli Id by Brian Southam
These pics are from my second fetish shoot with Brian Southam (Brian2008 on modelling networks, should you want to look him up). They were taken just 4 days before I gave birth, and I’d already had another shoot earlier that day, hence me being proper knackered and wasting a few captures by looking half asleep.
Machiavelli Id by Brian Southam
Fortunately Brian’s one of the most easygoing togs I’ve worked with, so he pretended not to notice the huge dark circles under my eyes while I dusted, washed up, handcuffed myself to the fridge and tried to eat a Muller Crunch Corner one-handed. Enjoy, fetish fans.
Machiavelli Id by Brian Southam
The traditional new year musings
Here we are at the end of 2009, or here I am anyway – dunno where/when you’ll be when you read this but I hope it’s all good. Time now to do the Janus thing & take a look at the passing and incoming years…
Things I’ve enjoyed in 2009:
- My work, both writing and modelling.
- My friends and family, who I often ignore but do love very much.
- Some decent films – Law Abiding Citizen was one of my favourites, and District 9 was highly engaging for such a simple narrative. Avatar was fairly unoriginal but very nice to look at. Gamer was much less brainless than expected and quite entertaining. Watchmen was good as a film, though lacking some of the depth of the graphic novel. (And Adz the Russian still hasn’t got over the sight of Dr Manhattan’s giant blue penis.)
- Music in all its forms. There’s too much to list.
- Making a brief foray into burlesque dancing, only to get pregnant a couple of weeks after my first show.
Things I’ve disliked in 2009:
- Losing my old job, though my self-employed work now is much more rewarding & less stressful.
- Arguments, of which I have had many.
- Some terrible films – Wolverine (blandly rolling around in its own mediocrity; why introduce Deadpool, only to make such poor use of him? Though apparently there’s plans to give Deadpool his own movie…), Paranormal Activity (no, looking like camcorder footage doesn’t make it any scarier when fuck all much happens), and Drag Me To Hell (wtf happened to the horror-comedy genius that was Sam Raimi?). And a special mention for 2012, which was not only scientifically dodgy as fuck, but also managed to be dull and repetitive (oh no! drive this vehicle while buildings fall down and the road drops away behind us! again!) and ridiculously over-long.
- Not having enough time to read lots of books.
Hopes, fears and predictions for 2010:
- Giving birth to my first (and only) child. At home. I’m terrified and excited in equal measure, and I expect the balance to tip in favour of terrified as the due date approaches.
- Maternity leave. No doubt money will be in short supply, but I’m looking forward to it nonetheless.
- More writing, more modelling, more work that’s personally (and financially) fulfilling.
- A holiday, if we can manage it.
- Making my own fetish clothing & accessories, starting with some fetish maternity clothes. I’ll show you when they’re done.
- Global climate recovery policies – we need them. I feel shame that I haven’t wasted less and recycled more this year.
- Hair dye – oh, how I’ve missed you. Pregnant hair is unpredictable, so I’ve been laying off the bleach & krazy kolor. It’ll be good to have my bright hair back again soon. In the meantime, wash-out reds will have to do.
- More bdsm play. I have so much wicked stuff to play with, I don’t want to leave it sitting in the cupboard for months at a time next year…
- And finally, “world peace”. I don’t believe it’s possible or even healthy, but it sounds nice.
Have a lovely New Year’s Eve, wherever you are, and do what you can with the new year. Maybe it’ll be your best yet.
Machivelli Id by Mike Crawley, edited by Michelle Strottner and Machiavelli Id
Super Size Me
So I’m now 4-and-a-bit months pregnant, and it doesn’t really show yet. To everyone else. To me, there’s a huge difference already. My waist is about 3 inches bigger than it used to be, my fitted clothes don’t fit, and the handspan gap between the bottom of my tops and the top of my bottoms (read that again if it didn’t make sense the first time) is leaving my belly cold in the lovely British greyness of impending winter.
More importantly, I have unfulfilled sartorial needs. The party season is approaching, and I wanna rock the maternity fashion boat like a colicky infant’s cradle. Tis well known that MI likes the shiny stuff, and there is little or no fetish maternity wear available off-the-peg. My options appear to be limited to the following:
- Create a cocoon-skirt ensemble by wrapping myself in bondage tape. This has the benefit of being relatively cheap, and adjustable in fit as I get bigger, but I have my reservations about using it for a party outfit in case some little grunt finds a loose end and unravels my outfit while I’m rooting through the breadsticks.
- Spend £250 to get a custom latex maternity dress made up for me by a kindly designer (thanks Kaori Matsubara for the offer), which in another 6 months will become obsolete since I don’t intend to get pregnant a second time.
- Learn *very* quickly to make my own latex clothes, which means buying cutters, glues, solvents, patterns, and a whole heap of sheet latex to practise on before I can ever make my dream dress. I did Google up the Making Latex Clothing blog by Latex Kitty, but I’m not convinced I could get up to the necessary standard in just a couple of months.
- Resort to PVC instead of latex. Now I like PVC but really, it has its place and that place is on my ass. It’s great for trousers and miniskirts, but shite for dresses and anything that you want to have a bit of drape or flow. Plus, I haven’t seen any PVC maternity clothes for sale either so I’d still have to engage a designer or hack out my own…
- Wear stuff with DIY belly cut-outs to accommodate my bump. OK, this would work in terms of fit, but did you read the part about the winter and the chill and the greyness? It’d be a nifty look for the summer, but this is a winter pregnancy and it’s not gonna look so hot if my bump is mottled purple with cold.
I am at a hair-pulling, teeth-grinding loss. Do I shell out for the custom latex and hope to recoup the cost by booking a few pregnant fetish fashion shoots? Do I start trying to learn the art of latexery (new word?) only to find that the best I can manage is a wrinkly-seamed mess? Do I give up and wear a duvet from now until the birth (and possibly thereafter until the flab and postnatal depression have subsided)? Grrrrr….
I don’t really expect anyone to have all the answers, but if you have anything helpful to offer then get in touch – my belly needs you!
***Mercenary Postscript:
Make a donation to the Shiny Things For Machiavelli Id fund and earn my undying gratitude :)
You can take the girl out of the torture chamber, but…
“I like to inflict happiness. If that means suffering, I assist.”
I said this to someone earlier today, and it snagged my thoughts for a while.
The notion of happiness as inflicted, implying an unwilling victim. The choice of “assist” [unspoken "...with"], rather than inflict, indulge, provide, or any other verb that only flows one way. The phrasing, the sound of the sentences in my head, the way that voice came so naturally when the conversation turned to domination and submission, sadism and masochism.
To clarify, because I’m aware I may not have mentioned it before:
Once upon a time, a long long time ago, I was a professional dominatrix. I did this because it paid well, and it sounded like less effort and trauma than working in a call centre. I liked the shiny clothes that felt like armour, the accessories made of steel and black leather. I was good at it. The words and mannerisms came easily, the psychological game was a ritual I found satisfying. The drive to mesmerise and torment my prey was instinctive.
I left that line of work more than a decade ago. I don’t miss it. It was sad to go so unchallenged, to be left with nothing to push against, to know that any resistance I encountered was offered only with hopes that it would be overcome.
The instinct is still there, but the flavour of the game has changed. I’m one half of a matched pair, as likely to be a happy little kitten as a prowling tigress. My love is multifaceted, refractive, sparkling at the centre of a radiant spectrum of desires. You can’t take the torture chamber out of the girl, but that doesn’t matter when you already have the key.
Things I’ve done for the sake of a great photo…
- Lay NAKED in fallen leaves full of SPIDERS, and pretended to be dead (with a big SWORD).
- Hung upside down from a TRAPEZE by my knees.
- Climbed into a giant BIRDCAGE & fought for a piece of CHOCOLATE.
Machiavelli Id, photo by D4 Photography
- Brandished a SABRE in a mechanic’s PIT.
- Cast a MAGICK spell, SKYCLAD.
- Got repeatedly dropped into a TANK full of WATER.
- Burned my ARSE on a hot SKATE RAMP (it was a sunny day).
If you want to see all the results, keep an eye on my portfolio page.
Machiavelli Id
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