S/S 2012 Fashions I Won’t Be Following…
I was at the shops yesterday & bought a Company magazine – special new redesign, promo price of £1, no idea what’s changed about it other than the crinkly “real feel” paper. Now, I’m not sure if it’s just that I’m deeply untrendy, or whether fashion has crawled back up its own arsehole and died, but there are some trends I simply will not be doing. Ever, if I can help it.
Not Doing: Denim Boilersuits
I last wore one of these in 1987; you can’t make me go back there. I was only 10, I didn’t know what I was doing. I thought [wished] it made me look cool like Ripley in Alien, but I was a kid digging holes in the woods, and a jumpsuit wasn’t going to turn me into a hardcore grown-up heroine. Baggy but not comfortable, inconvenient to change or adjust layers, and there’s no way in hell I’d pay Wrangler or anyone else £135 for making me look like an extra from an archetypal sci-fi engineering room.
Not Doing: 7/8ths Length Jeans
Listen, my legs are long. If I wore jeans that stopped above my ankle bone, I’d have inches of exposed ankle getting hypothermia. Also, it’d look like I’d stolen them from a 12 year old. As it is, I usually wear boots that reach at least mid-calf, so the whole thing would be pointless because nobody would see my on-trend leg length anyway.
Not Doing: Feather Mini Skirts
Because my arse was not built to be a pom-pom. And because if I was going to wear a feather skirt, I’d want bloody great melodramatic peacock feathers rather than that fluffy fringy stuff.
On the upside, leopard print is cool still/again. Boy boots and brogues with big brothel-creeping workwear soles are a thing. And there are ads in there for new extra-big bottles of Aussie Miracle Moist, which is one of the few conditioners my hair will cooperate with.
Related articles
- Style Tip: Wear Rolled Up Denim and Ankle Boots Like Rachel Bilson (ldvfashionfix.com)
- Mischa Barton in Leopard Jeans (denimblog.com)
WTF Happened There?
I just had one of those mad traffic spikes: not a StumbleUpon flashmob, not a run of Facebook click-throughs, but a burst of activity that comes mainly from organic search.
Look:
As it turns out, I had a lot of hits from people searching for Mike Crawley. Which isn’t surprising, because he’s an expert and because he does nudie photos.
There were a couple of hours there when it was all just busy, busy, busy – for this place, at least. I’m used to pootling along at no more than a hundred or so views a day most of the time, so this was pretty fucking unusual.
So who were those passing pervs? Will they be back? Did they find what they were looking for? What does it all mean?
You Asked For It (You Sick, Sick Puppies): Fetish Fan Photo Requests
OK, I keep getting asked about fetish images and bdsm in particular, so here’s a quick guide to what I’ve got for you:
- Naked ballet and other nude dance: There are still more photos from my “naked ballet in the woods” session with BD-Company.co.uk that I’ll post up sometime soon, but if you really love the nude ballet that much then I can always shoot more. I can tap dance, clog dance, pole dance, hoe-down and do jazz hands “interpretative dance” shit, too, so if you’ve got a “specialist” naked dancing fetish you’ll have to leave me a message about it and I’ll see what I can do. No Charleston though; I never got the hang of that one.
- Pregnancy fetish / various pregnant fetish subgenres like pregnant bdsm, pregnant housework, pregnant in suspenders and so on: Yes, there are lots of photos I didn’t post in the gallery when I was pregnant. I’ll put some more of them up if you like.
- Housework fetish, nude housework, and cleaning fetishes from rubber gloves and washing dishes to scrubbing floors to vacuum cleaning and feather dusters: I have loads of these photos already, and I’ll probably shoot more housework fetish pics in 2012.
- Food fetish / WAM / wearing food: OK, you obviously like this idea a lot. I haven’t posted up many foody photos yet, so I’ll plan a special food fetish photo shoot just for you. Now, what to wear?
- BDSM and other control fetishes: I’ve got quite a few bdsm sets kicking around – I’ll liberate some of the photos from storage and put them up. If you’re into sadomasochism, I’ve got a lovely Wartenberg pinwheel I’ve been meaning to use in a shoot.
- Girly sex: I’m not sure what you’re looking for when you people type this into your Bings and Googles… do you mean like 2 girls together in a faux-lesbian pose? Do you mean girly like all giggly and squeal-y and wearing a pink sweater? Nobody’s directly asked me about it, but I’ve noticed you turning up here looking for it, so if you let me know what it is you want I’ll point you in the right direction.
- What else? Well, that’s mostly up to me but it’s partly up to you, too, – let me know what kind of photos you want to see more of, and I’ll start plotting the next year’s fetish & bdsm photo shoots.
Image of the Week: Elsa by Altsune
This super dollfie pic is one of my favourites – the perfect glowing platinum hair, the skin texture, the way I can see into her wrist joints. And I like that she’s posed next to a mirror, too. Nice work, Ovada!
You can see more dollfies and other stuff at Altsune.com.
Want to Win Image of the Week?
Send me the URL to your image, or email me the file as an attachment if you must. I’m on Facebook and Twitter and my email is mi@machiavelliid.com. Give me whatever info you like about you or your image. That’s it.
[No guarantees that I'll ever publish it, or that I'll repeat what you say about it word-for-word. But if I like your image or your thinking, it's in.]
Is too much makeup bad for your health?
This is a guest post by Jennifer Adams of Shouting in Digital.
When you’re feeling a little shy, there’s nothing like slicking on a little lipstick and mascara for improving your mood. In fact, there are some days when I’m happy to just plaster it on, especially if I’ve got a particularly big night out or important work appointment. It’s a good way to feel a little braver, as well as perk up your appearance. However, recent studies about some products have got me thinking – could wearing too much makeup actually be bad for your health?
Of course, the idea really got me a bit worried – after all I’ve been wearing the stuff for years now! – so I started doing a little research, to see what I could find out about the products that crowd my makeup bag.
First things first, I had a look for articles that talked about makeup and your skin. There has been anecdotal evidence for years that has suggested that some makeup can be bad for your skin, especially if you already suffer from conditions such as acne or irritation. However, after having a good look at a couple of sources, I found quite a lot of evidence to suggest that, for the majority of the time, makeup shouldn’t damage the health of your skin.
What does seem to matter is the quality of the makeup you buy. If you are only using cheap makeup that makes use of harsh chemicals, you’re far more likely to find you’re suffering from clogged pores and irritated skin. One of the best ways to determine how good or bad a specific product may be for your skin, is to look at the label! Animal testing should be a red flag right away – because if they are using ingredients they have to test on animals, they must be ingredients where there’s something to worry about, right?
I did manage to find a few scare stories, which suggested that wearing too much makeup could be responsible for all kinds of health problems, but none of them seemed to have any facts to back them up. What’s more, these days, it feels as though pretty much everything is bad for you if you do it in excess. If you’re worried though, a good way to set your mind at rest is to try and plump for organics and natural products as often as possible, as it’s artificial chemicals that most scientists seem to be worried about.
Overall, I’d say the key things I learned on this little investigation were: don’t buy generic brands from untrusted providers – stick to more trustworthy brands like MAC and Benefit instead, always have a look at the label and remember that moderation is key. When you put your makeup in the morning, don’t trowel it on so thickly you can barely recognise yourself. Instead apply lightly and allow your skin to breathe, after all, they say less is more for a reason!
*****
Jennifer Adams is a part of the digital blogging team at shoutingindigital.com who write about subjects like MAC on behalf of a growing number of retail brands. To keep up to date with the latest in shopping and retail news, check out my posts at Shouting in Digital or visit my Twitter account, @shoutingid.
Image credit: stars&rockets
The boobie blues
I thought about including “before” & “after” photos with this post, but I can’t quite face it at the moment… maybe another day.
When I went back to full-time work a few months ago, we started giving Mini-MI milk from a bottle more and more. At first I expressed milk in the evening for her to drink the next day, but it took much more effort and time than simply feeding her from the breast – up to an hour to express a feed she would drink in minutes. (Don’t be put off, though – it’s still a bloody good idea & lots of other women can express their milk quickly & easily. I’m just not one of them.)
When I’d used the breast pump sporadically to provide for the occasional day out, I hadn’t minded the hassle, but it was too much to do after work every day. After a few weeks, I stopped expressing and Mini-MI was given formula feeds while I worked. She carried on breastfeeding in the mornings and evenings, waking once in the night for a top-up feed.
But as the weeks went on, she started to sleep longer and longer – we were filling her up during the day with solid food and bottles of milk much larger than the amount she would have taken from the breast in one sitting. There was no hunger to wake her in the night or make her cry in the mornings. Now she takes her last bottle at around 10 p.m. and usually sleeps until around 7 the next morning, playing and babbling quietly in her cot when she wakes. Compared to the deathly sleep deprivation of the first few months, this is bliss.
My milk dried up, little by little, as Mini-MI adjusted to the new diet. Pretty soon she only turned to the breast for a quick drink, or for comfort. After a few gulps she would either fall asleep, or repeatedly clamp her teething gums down on my nipple and pull her head back sharply, giggling at me and grinning. Now she’s started drinking from those little hard-spouted beakers, too, splashing herself in the face with her drink and laughing like a little mentalist.
I just have one problem: WTF happened to my tits? When they’re empty, they look it. Seriously. It’s like someone stole my breasts and left a pair of socks stapled to my chest in their place.
As someone whose career used to depend in part on the state of my boobage, I find this somewhat unsettling. I’d intended to return to modelling after Mini-MI was born, but now I find myself body-shy and less than confident about getting naked for photos.
Machiavelli Id (with breasts) by Mike Crawley
When I was pregnant (even though I didn’t know it yet), I had a shoot with Foto2XH for a project all about breasts. Every model contributed a bit of text describing her thoughts/feelings about her breasts, to accompany her topless image. I remember explaining how mine developed early and quickly, attracting unwanted attention and pissing me (a tomboy) right off with the hassle of bras and ill-fitting pre-teen clothes. How I’d hidden them away, then overreacted and had them on semi-permanent exhibition for a while, before finding balance in the force with nice bras and easy necklines. (I mean easy like simple, not easy like “easy access” or “hello, I’m a slut”. Although those are both good points in their own right.)
Understand, it’s not the change in breast size that bothers me – I’ve considered breast reduction surgery in the past, getting as far as my 3rd consultation before deciding against it. I didn’t expect to go right back to my pre-baby 34FF, and I was pretty happy about the idea of having a smaller bosom that might actually fit into clothes without me having to buy a size up just to make my shirt buttons close.
It’s the “empty skin bags” look that I find so depressing. I went out to get myself some new bras, but discovered that my breasts don’t kind of perch within the cups anymore – now, they languish despondently at the bottom, leaving my décolletage a flat no-man’s-land instead of a welcoming curve. In the end, I bought some of those stretchy, soft sports bras. I’d always envied my flatter-chested friends their freedom to wear such simple undies. They’re lovely and easy and comfortable, but now I’m finally able to wear them I just wish I still had the boobs to warrant my usual underwired-and-triple-cantilevered lingerie.
Some of my friends assure me that my breasts will return to something a bit more like their former glory; others say theirs never came back and mine might not either. One advised me cheerfully that “they’ll come back when you get fat” and then made me a nice soothing cup of tea.
We’ll see.
P.S. If you’ve had a baby (or breast surgery), I’d like to hear about it. What changed about your breasts? What problems and what upsides did you find? Did they change back again later on? Leave me a comment and let me know…
Oh gods, I’m a mommyblog
It’s come to my attention that my blog now has (a) lots of mentions of Mini-MI, and (b) absolutely bugger all modelling going on because I’m too busy writing and raising a baby to get my shit together and scrub up for a shoot. Can this state of affairs continue?
Let’s be clear on this point: I’m not about to turn the site pink or start thinking I’m Dooce. And I’m a bit less kerr-azy than The Blogess, so the title of Kookiest Mum Online isn’t up for grabs either. But I like being able to share my chaotic parenting skillz (would you take a book called Chaotic Parenting down off the shelf?) and occasional outbursts of maternal pride with you. So the baby stuff is in. Feel free to go & look at Barbies instead if you prefer your girls non-reproductive.
That said, I’m buying a new camera soon. Then I can set up my own shoots, and the Animal can push the trigger for me. So far I’ve been thinking of maybe doing a set in our nice new shower, and there must be something I can do with the Kinect… oh, and I’ve still got my LoveHoney Real Top Model prizes to show off, if they fit after all this time.
Any other ideas?
Image courtesy of Gabi Menashe via FlickrMI’s pregnant housework fetish shoot
With thanks to mum for the loan of her kitchen and her feather duster thingy…
Machiavelli Id by Brian Southam
These pics are from my second fetish shoot with Brian Southam (Brian2008 on modelling networks, should you want to look him up). They were taken just 4 days before I gave birth, and I’d already had another shoot earlier that day, hence me being proper knackered and wasting a few captures by looking half asleep.
Machiavelli Id by Brian Southam
Fortunately Brian’s one of the most easygoing togs I’ve worked with, so he pretended not to notice the huge dark circles under my eyes while I dusted, washed up, handcuffed myself to the fridge and tried to eat a Muller Crunch Corner one-handed. Enjoy, fetish fans.
Machiavelli Id by Brian Southam
Machiavelli Id and the white horse
No, I’m not talking about drugs. Nor do I mean the Uffington White Horse (much as I love it) or any other chalk horse. And OK, the horse is technically grey not white. Just shut up and look at the pretty picture, will you?
Machiavelli Id with Grace, by Bitsoft
This beautiful mythic shot was taken by Bitsoft, an amazing photographer who still works with film (yes, that shiny black stuff that comes on a reel you stick inside an old-skool camera). He’s a commercial photographer by day, but a supercool do-whatever-sounds-good artistic ’tog in his time off. This was back in August, just before I realised I was preggernaut.
The horse, Grace, lives at the Checkendon Equestrian Centre which is a huge riding centre and equine rehab facility, with gorgeous grounds that we used as our shoot location. I only wish I could have taken Grace for a quick run afterwards. She was very patient with us, didn’t tread on my vulnerable bare feet, and only reared up once during the whole shoot.
I look at photos like this, and I feel lucky to have had such an amazing time in the last year. I’ve worked some great shoots, visited nifty places, hung out with wicked cool people, and now I’m having a baby with my man Animal. Life is a bizarre sweet & sour mix of a mess that likes to brick me in the head whenever I get complacent or self-pitying. This is a good thing.
Machiavelli Id does naked ballet in the woods
A couple of pics from my shoot with Barney of BD-Company.co.uk. I was about 3 months pregnant at this point, and had to put a lot of effort into sucking my belly in.
Machiavelli Id by BD-Company.co.uk
I pulled half-remembered ballet moves in the forest, nude, while the Animal and Adz the Russian (who were *supposed* to be chaperoning me) wandered around trying to resist the urge to set fire to things. (Adz failed. Fool.) Twisted my ankle attempting to dance around all tippy-toes and barefoot in the grass… twas another brilliant shoot though.
Machiavelli Id by BD-Company.co.uk
To see more of this photo set, visit www.bd-company.co.uk. Hopefully I’ll be working with Barney again in a couple of months’ time, making some pretty pics of me in shiny fetish maternity outfits!
Machiavelli Id by BD-Company.co.uk
Some jobs I’ve turned down…
Instead of telling you what I’ve been working on lately, I decided to mention some of the jobs I’ve been offered that I didn’t take:
A page in a coffee table book of black & white close-ups of anonymous vulvas.
The plan was to donate the profits to a cervical cancer charity so I might have considered it, but the Animal didn’t like the idea and although the team were earnest well-meaning folk I agreed with him. The anonymity struck me as sad, a shame, a waste, in a collection of such personal images. And the focus on external genitalia seemed misdirected, an arty not-very-unique selling point that left the cervix unconsidered. A book of cervix photos with the subjects’ names, ages and such would have interested me more.
A girlie fight video for Catz Review.
After waching one of these topless catfights on DVD, I knew I wasn’t interested – the footage had low production values and was pretty low on entertainment value too. If they got a ring/cage for the fights, an on-camera referee, and more audio content (like some music, some yelling and a bit more commentary), this could be an amusing project. As it stands though, this is a poorly lit video clip of a couple of out-of-breath youngish women slapping each other and trying to pin each other down on a couple of thin gym mats in a corner of a room (apparently it’s a dance studio or something, but it has a low windowsill in the corner against which a head will probably one day get smacked).
They do pay well though, so if you’re female and interested in fighting for cash you can contact them at fightinggirls@live.co.uk.
A lingerie shoot for Stockings & Romance.
This was a job I really wanted to take because they have such pretty 1940s/50s pin-up style lingerie, but being pregnant means that I keep changing size and that’s deeply unhelpful when you need to plan a lingerie & corsetry shoot. Even before I got pregnant I was a bit bigger in the bust than their usual models. By the date they were shooting, I would have been about a GG cup and incapable of stuffing myself into their cute pointy bras. Shame.
Machiavelli Id is a “Lizard Warrior”
Getting up early and driving across the country for two hours was well worth the trouble for this shoot with Draken Photography and makeup artist Sara Austin, using latex prosthetics from Awen Creations.
After about three hours in makeup, and the fun of taping myself into the tiny leatherette warrior woman costume Draken had made for the shoot, we headed out to the forest. I got overexcited because I could see the sea (we were on the Kentish coastline), and because I had a sword to wave around…
Machiavelli Id by Draken Photography
We clambered into the woods and I threw some barbarian type poses while the fangs made me drool in a highly impressive berserker-reptile fashion. I couldn’t speak because of the fangs, and the prosthetic fingertips and claws prevented me using my hands properly, so I was obliged to play charades every time I needed someone to adjust my costume or scratch my nose (or wipe away my drool!).
Draken got some great shots in what seemed like no time at all, and it was a wicked experience. Hopefully we’ll soon be collaborating on another project with a darker, more S&M feel… with pictures on here when it’s done, of course.
Machiavelli Id, by Draken Photography
Machiavelli Id does the Apocalypse Girls
A few photos from my shoot with the lovely, talented, music-loving, tweenager-hating Laura Spires of Broken Logic Photography, for Apocalypse Girls.
Machiavelli Id for ApocalypseGirls.co.uk, photo by Broken Logic Photography
AG is a website full of hot alternative girls, run by alt.model Monkey – if you’re bored & looking for eye candy, check it out.
Machiavelli Id for ApocalypseGirls.co.uk, by Broken Logic Photography
Machiavelli Id for ApocalypseGirls.co.uk, by Broken Logic Photography
How I made my first pasties
Short answer: in a hurry, on the day of my first performance.
Long answer: see below.
Necessary stuff:
- Thin card, whatever colour you fancy for the background of the pasties (I used shiny silver card).
- Ruler or tape measure
- Scissors
- Compass, or something round with a suitable diameter (to draw around).
- Pen or pencil.
- Glue.
- Sticky tape.
- Clothes pegs or paper clips
- Marker pen(s), in a colour that contrasts with the card (I used black).
- Ribbon, in another colour that looks good with the card & pen colours (I used red satin, to match my shoes).
- Needle.
- Thread, the same colour as the ribbon.
- Any other nice things you feel like decorating your pasties with – sequins, crystals, beads, glitter, lace, velvet, satin, braid, UV paint, origami cranes…
Don’t forget you’ll also need some double-sided tape, or eyelash glue, to stick the finished pasties on your nipples!
How to:
- Measure across the centre of your nipples, top to bottom and side to side. Take whichever is the widest measurement & add an extra centimetre (just under half an inch).
- Either set your compasses to that width, or go & find something round that has roughly that width so you can put it on the card and draw around it (I drew around the lid of a coffee jar for mine).
- Draw two circles of that width on the card (use the back of the card if it’s single-sided; mine was silver on the front but plain white on the back).
- Mark the centre of each circle with a dot/cross (either mark where the compass hole is, or halve the size of your circle and measure inwards from the edge a few times to find the central point, then mark it).
Machiavelli Id makes pasties. Bad lighting, sorry.
- Carefully cut out your two circles. Now make a cut straight from the edge into the centre of each circle.
- Overlap the edges of the cut and pull the circle into a flattish cone shape. Hold it up against your nipples to check how pointy or flat you think the cone should be. When you’re happy with the shape of it, stick a pen/pencil inside the point of the cone and draw it alongside the edge of the overlapped card, marking a line on the back of the cone from the centre to the outer edge. Now let go of the card and let it go back to being a flat circle. Do the same with the other circle.
- Get the glue and apply it on the back of one of the circles in the wedge shape from the line you drew to the nearest straight edge, and out to the outer edge of the circle. Overlap the edges again so that the inner edge meets the line you drew, and stick the overlapping part down. Put a couple of clothes pegs or paper clips etc on the cone to hold the shape together while the glue dries. Now do the same with the other circle.
Waiting for pasties to dry.
- Once the glue has dried, stick a little piece of sticky tape over the join on the inside of each cone. Use your fingers to pinch around the edge of each cone and make it as symmetrical a shape as possible. Now they’re ready to decorate!
- Get your marker pen(s) and draw decorative patterns on the outside of the cones – figure out what will look good with the outfit you’re wearing. I just drew thick lines from the centre to the edge of the cones, to make them black & silver striped. It helps if your pattern covers up the line of the join in the card, unless you’re planning to cover the pasties with sequins etc so the join won’t be visible.
Stripy pasty decorating with marker pen
- Stick any fabric, sequins, glitter etc on to the pasties, and let it dry.
- Take your ribbon and cut two equal lengths, long enough to tie in a small bow. Fold each piece of ribbon into a bow shape and sew or glue the overlapping bits together to hold the bow in shape. If you’ve used glue, wait for it to dry.
Ribbon bows. I sewed them myself!
- Hold one of the cones with the point facing you and the join at the bottom. Position the bow just above the point of the cone, and glue or sew it into place. Do the same for the other cone. If you’ve used glue, wait for it to dry again.
- Stick them on and shake it!
Machiavelli Id's first pasties - finished!
PS If you want tassels on your pasties, either buy them or make them and then pierce a small hole at the point of each pastie. Feed the tassel through from the front to the back, and tie it in a knot at the back, right in the point of the cone.
Things I’ve done for the sake of a great photo…
- Lay NAKED in fallen leaves full of SPIDERS, and pretended to be dead (with a big SWORD).
- Hung upside down from a TRAPEZE by my knees.
- Climbed into a giant BIRDCAGE & fought for a piece of CHOCOLATE.
Machiavelli Id, photo by D4 Photography
- Brandished a SABRE in a mechanic’s PIT.
- Cast a MAGICK spell, SKYCLAD.
- Got repeatedly dropped into a TANK full of WATER.
- Burned my ARSE on a hot SKATE RAMP (it was a sunny day).
If you want to see all the results, keep an eye on my portfolio page.
Machiavelli Id
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