Fetish & Sex Scientist. Bizarre Ultra Vixen. Crash Test Mummy. Also a professional writer with a full-time househusband.

Posts tagged “shopping

Kinect for Windows is here!

Not that we have it yet, you understand. It only came out on the 1st of February, and in America, but I’m looking forward to the day I can edit blogs and sort out spreadsheets just by talking and waving my hands in the air.

Check out the basic info on the Microsoft  Kinect for Windows website, if you’re curious.


S/S 2012 Fashions I Won’t Be Following…

Feather mini skirt S/S 2012

I was at the shops yesterday & bought a Company magazine – special new redesign, promo price of £1, no idea what’s changed about it other than the crinkly “real feel” paper. Now, I’m not sure if it’s just that I’m deeply untrendy, or whether fashion has crawled back up its own arsehole and died, but there are some trends I simply will not be doing. Ever, if I can help it.

Not Doing: Denim Boilersuits

I last wore one of these in 1987; you can’t make me go back there. I was only 10, I didn’t know what I was doing. I thought [wished] it made me look cool like Ripley in Alien, but I was a kid digging holes in the woods, and a jumpsuit wasn’t going to turn me into a hardcore grown-up heroine. Baggy but not comfortable, inconvenient to change or adjust layers, and there’s no way in hell I’d pay Wrangler or anyone else £135 for making me look like an extra from an archetypal sci-fi engineering room.

Not Doing: 7/8ths Length Jeans

Listen, my legs are long. If I wore jeans that stopped above my ankle bone, I’d have inches of exposed ankle getting hypothermia. Also, it’d look like I’d stolen them from a 12 year old. As it is, I usually wear boots that reach at least mid-calf, so the whole thing would be pointless because nobody would see my on-trend leg length anyway.

Feather mini skirt S/S 2012

Not Doing: Feather Mini Skirts

Because my arse was not built to be a pom-pom. And because if I was going to wear a feather skirt, I’d want bloody great melodramatic peacock feathers rather than that fluffy fringy stuff.

On the upside, leopard print is cool still/again. Boy boots and brogues with big brothel-creeping workwear soles are a thing. And there are ads in there for new extra-big bottles of Aussie Miracle Moist, which is one of the few conditioners my hair will cooperate with.

Image credit: Steven Depolo


Gun sales banned for Xbox Live Avatars

Gears of War 3

I’ve just found out on OXM online that the Gears of War Lancer and Hammerburst avatar items are no longer available on Xbox LIVE Marketplace.  Apparently a new policy came into effect for all gun-like avatar accessories on the Xbox Live Marketplace from January 1, 2012.

If you’ve already bought guns for your avatar, you should still have those, but it looks like you won’t be getting any more. What a load of bollocks!

Gears of War 3

I am an adult Xbox 360 gamer and I don’t see the point of this ban. They put age limits on these gun games so why don’t they have the age limit thing on the avatar items if it’s that much of a problem? That way the people who don’t want their children playing around with TOY guns will be able to stop their kids’ avatars holding pictures of guns too. Lol.

I have six children and think it’s fair enough people don’t want their kids thinking its OK to play with real guns. Some parents think it’s bad to play with toy guns too. It’s not real when you play these GAMES. I mean come off it what’s next, are they going to ban kids from playing with toy guns and water pistols at all hmmm?

At the end of the day the avatars are only pictures and it’s safe to say kids have seen pictures of guns before, all over the place. And if they can still see guns on some Xbox Live avatars, given that guns already bought won’t be taken away, then what’s the point?

Army ads show men with guns all the time and show them as heroes – kids see that on TV all the time completely independent of anything Microsoft might do. I personally support the military because they’re sacrificing a lot to protect us, but if seeing pictures of people with guns is so bloody bad for kids, then surely everyone should stop advertising that way? Don’t be daft.

I’ve got a poster on our wall at home of Call of Duty characters holding guns and I don’t believe it does any psychological harm to my kids to see that piece of artwork. BIG DIFFERENCE between real life and games, BIG DIFFERENCE between interactive games and pictures.

***** 4nim4l *****

Image credit


Graze: snacks delivered to your door [get a box free!]

wpid-DSC00108.jpg

This is how bourgeois I’ve become. These snack boxes are nifty!

You give them your info via their website & tell them which of their snacks you like the sound of; they pack a selection in a recycled cardboard box and post it to you.

Machiavelli Id's first Graze box

My first graze box

All the snacks in your box are listed on a little leaflet with ingredients (fairtrade, organic & so on), some nutritional health info, calorie counts (often lower than a slice of buttered toast), etc. It’s ace.

Get a Free Graze Box

I got a voucher code for a free Graze box [thanks, Ocado], and then I got a free trial link from the Graze people to share with my friends, so you can get a free box too.

Click here to order your free Graze box, and type this free trial code in if you’re asked for one: XF1RCB8

Oh, and don’t get confused if the Graze website calls me Sophie – that’s my real name.

If you like your free box & want another one, they may well still be offering the 2nd box half price, too. Get in!


Heads up for a girly new sex toy dealer!

invisible vibe lolcat

invisible vibe lolcat

Just a quick one (fnar) to let the girly girls know about Pretty Little Sex Toys, an inoffensive new online sex toys & accessories store.

They’re very pink and feminine, with a compact ‘n’ bijou range of favourite classics instead of a huge warehouse full of alarming things you can’t identify at first glance.  If you like the idea of sex toys or gentle bondage play, but don’t want to have to trawl through loads of fetish gear / toys for men / “realistic” veiny fake cocks, then this is the site for you.

They’re polite enough that you could send even a fairly twitchy boyfriend there to buy you a gift, safe in the knowledge that he won’t think you’re replacing him with a high-tech fuck-robot, and he also won’t be able to buy you anything disappointingly tacky (like he easily could in, for example, Ann Summers).  Win-win.

If, however, you like your sex stuff freaky, filthy and fetish [huzzah!], then you might want to look elsewhere – more on that another day.

Image credit: Last NYC Hero

Image of the Week: Infinite Sadness by miskan

Infinite Sadness by miskan

A beautiful, emotive expression on a completely inanimate object. Lovely.

Infinite Sadness by miskan

You can see more of miskan‘s work on Flickr.

Want to Win Image of the Week?

Send me the URL to your image, or email me the file as an attachment if you prefer.  I’m on Facebook and Twitter and my email is mi@machiavelliid.com. Give me whatever info you like about you or your image.  That’s it.

[No guarantees that I'll ever publish it, or that I'll repeat what you say about it word-for-word.  But if I like your image or your thinking, it's in.]


Question: “What’s the oldest piece of clothing you still wear?”

My corduroy jeans. I bought 4 pairs in about 2002 and I still have 2 of them. They’re worn so thin you can see my skin through the fabric in places, and there are holes in the seams, but I love them and I hate almost every pair of trousers I see in the shops right now, so they’ll do for a while longer.

Ask me anything


Is too much makeup bad for your health?

This is a guest post by Jennifer Adams of Shouting in Digital.

MAC lipsticks at Liberty

When you’re feeling a little shy, there’s nothing like slicking on a little lipstick and mascara for improving your mood. In fact, there are some days when I’m happy to just plaster it on, especially if I’ve got a particularly big night out or important work appointment. It’s a good way to feel a little braver, as well as perk up your appearance.  However, recent studies about some products have got me thinking – could wearing too much makeup actually be bad for your health?

Of course, the idea really got me a bit worried – after all I’ve been wearing the stuff for years now! – so I started doing a little research, to see what I could find out about the products that crowd my makeup bag.

First things first, I had a look for articles that talked about makeup and your skin. There has been anecdotal evidence for years that has suggested that some makeup can be bad for your skin, especially if you already suffer from conditions such as acne or irritation. However, after having a good look at a couple of sources, I found quite a lot of evidence to suggest that, for the majority of the time, makeup shouldn’t damage the health of your skin.

What does seem to matter is the quality of the makeup you buy. If you are only using cheap makeup that makes use of harsh chemicals, you’re far more likely to find you’re suffering from clogged pores and irritated skin. One of the best ways to determine how good or bad a specific product may be for your skin, is to look at the label! Animal testing should be a red flag right away – because if they are using ingredients they have to test on animals, they must be ingredients where there’s something to worry about, right?

I did manage to find a few scare stories, which suggested that wearing too much makeup could be responsible for all kinds of health problems, but none of them seemed to have any facts to back them up. What’s more, these days, it feels as though pretty much everything is bad for you if you do it in excess. If you’re worried though, a good way to set your mind at rest is to try and plump for organics and natural products as often as possible, as it’s artificial chemicals that most scientists seem to be worried about.

Overall, I’d say the key things I learned on this little investigation were: don’t buy generic brands from untrusted providers – stick to more trustworthy brands like MAC and Benefit instead, always have a look at the label and remember that moderation is key. When you put your makeup in the morning, don’t trowel it on so thickly you can barely recognise yourself. Instead apply lightly and allow your skin to breathe, after all, they say less is more for a reason!

*****

Jennifer Adams is a part of the digital blogging team at shoutingindigital.com who write about subjects like MAC on behalf of a growing number of retail brands. To keep up to date with the latest in shopping and retail news, check out my posts at Shouting in Digital or visit my Twitter account, @shoutingid.

Image credit: stars&rockets

Marvel vs Capcom 3 (Xbox 360)

Overall rating: 1/5

Best points: lots of playable characters; controller configuration

Worst points: no 3D gameplay; can’t see opponent during special moves

I hired Marvel vs Capcom 3 from Lovefilm rather than buy it outright. I was looking forward to this title coming out, but was really disappointed after having a few goes on it. I hoped it would’ve had the same type of  stuff as Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe had going for it, with 3D fighting and Freefall fighting. But Marvel vs Capcom 3 is all 2D gaming until you do your special moves…

Marvel vs Capcom 3Then it’s still just 2D gameplay, really, but with graphic effects that make it look more three dimensional. You can still only move in one straight line. The whole screen lights up around your avatar on a black background, and you can’t see the other player’s avatar because it gets hidden by flashy lighting. So you can’t tell if you’re hitting your opponent, and they can’t see their own avatar at all!

Me and a few of my friends got very bored very quickly, and this game reminds me of the 1990s Street Fighter days. I still think the original Street Fighter games are quality, but games nowadays need to be moving on – that was like over 10 years ago. Is it me, or are they going backwards not forwards with their thinking on some of these new games?

I know it’s easy for someone like me to comment on someone’s pride and joy of a game and slag it down, but it’s true: I think it’s crap. Gutted.

***** the Animal *****


Design a sex toy, win £1000 AND get it made!

My favourite sexy shop LoveHoney is running its “Design A Sex Toy” competition again.  They’ve already facilitated the invention and production of the amazing Sqweel oral sex simulator for women, and now they’re looking for this year’s most innovative sex toy design from you.

I’ve hardly got time to even think about sex, let alone come up with drawings and descriptions of imaginary toys, so I’m relying on you rabble. Dream up something amazing. Design the toy you always wanted. Better yet, design the toy I always wanted. That way I can buy one when you win.

For those of you who, like me, aren’t going to get an entry in (fnar!) this year… if you’ve got any good ideas, share them in the comments section and maybe someone can turn them into a winning design.

If I could have anything designed for me, I think I’d go for some kind of sensory deprivation & restraint system built into a comfy sex lounger with uptilted ends and a soft but supportive midsection. Supple, black, shiny materials. Velvety facings. No leg restraints (I just don’t get on with them). Multi-position wrist cuffs and a few D-rings for hooking extra bits to. Loose accessories: blindfold (not an airline-freebie-style “eye mask”), earplugs, thick soft gloves, silk hood with a soft cuff around the neck. I like the classics.

You have your brief. Go, design, win! And when you do, call it the Machiavelli. ;-)


A rant about toilet paper quality

I’ve got a stinking cold & am reduced to using toilet roll to stem the torrent issuing from my nostrils. This has led me to notice the scratchy-yet-structurally-weak quality of our latest multipack of toilet rolls.

We bought them from a supermarket known for its low prices and copycat brands. Let’s call it, say, ALDI. Bloody Aldi. Every time we go in there, we spend ten times as much as I expected and still come out thinking we’ve saved money.

The issue I have with their bogroll is this: the packet says something like “Super Softy Luxury soft toilet roll”. The paper is not soft. Neither is it remotely luxurious. Now I’m annoyed. All I really wanted was something cheap to wipe my arse on, but you promised me super softy luxury and you let me down.

When I buy cheap toilet rolls that are labelled “Extra Value economy rubbish” and come in basic packaging, I expect to get economy rubbish and I’ve never been disappointed.

Don’t make promises you won’t keep.

And don’t use cheap tissue when you have a cold – the pain is never worth the gain.


Testing, testing

Stuff I’ve tried a million different versions of until I found one that was good…

Black eyeliners – they’re either too hard & scratchy, too soft & smeary, look dark grey instead of black, or settle into my skin and don’t wash off for days.  Benefit Bad Gal eyeliner feels lovely & smooth, makes a nice clean line, smudges & blends well, but doesn’t rub off.

Scratch mittens for babies (to stop mini-MI from shredding her face with her own tiny sharp fingernails). Primark’s mittens are the only ones she can’t pull off too easily, and they’re the cheapest too – 50p for a pack of 2 pairs.

Lip balms – I’ve worked my way through everything from Chap Stick and Vaseline to Jelly Belly flavoured jelly balms and Chanel’s Soin Tendre Lèvres, but my favourite is still Carmex (with a layer of Sudocrem underneath if my lips are really dry).

Sanitary towels & panty liners – I hadn’t used them for years before giving birth, but now I remember how uncomfortable and potentially leaky they are.  Bodyform are shaped to fit much better than the other brands I’ve tried lately, and if you’re relying on towels overnight then get their “Goodnight” towels because they are the ONLY ones I’ve had no trouble with. Kotex panty liners are nice too, though “nice” isn’t really the right word for menstrual accessories.

Ginger beer – I’ve worked my way through every ginger beer I could find in local shops & pubs, and the best of them all is Idris. It’s not too fizzy, gingery enough to be refreshing without making you need another drink to wash the burn out of your mouth, and you can mix it with dang near anything (Hibiscus? yep. Dark rum? yep. Jack Daniels? yep. Rosé? yep. Lemon and lime? yep. Pomegranate? yep. Haven’t tried it with absinthe though.)


Caught in the web again

How Many Calories Do You Burn While Tweeting? (Mashable.com)
There’s an app for that…

2DGoggles.com: a genius webcomic featuring Charles Babbage and Ada Lovelace.

The SciencePhoto.com collection of sciencey images is vast enough for hours of edifying browsing.

Who Calls Me – if you get missed calls or messages from unknown organisations, put in the phone number from your caller ID into the search box to find out who uses that number and what experiences other users have had with them.

The Rebel Pin-Up Page publishes a new pin-up picture each day with lovely retro-styled ladies on three different networks: Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace.


MI <3 teh hinterweb

Stuff I’ve appreciated while flailing around in the net:

Chimpanzees  Use Sex Tools (Physorg.com)
Male chimps attract attention by rustling dry leaves to get lady chimps to check out their erections.  Sound effects are woefully underused by human males in courting, IMO, except for farting, belching, and Eric Clapton (none of which work on me, sorry).

Facebook’s Gone Rogue; It’s Time for an Open Alternative  (Wired.com)
A critique of FB’s worrying privacy policies and user interface, and a call to action for open source developers.

BabycareAdvice.com Articles
Useful info for parents/carers.  The advice on this site is relatively sane and mostly evidence-based (or it tells you if there’s only anecdotal evidence).

Ways to Send Real Life Gifts via Twitter (Mashable.com)
Five services that can send a gift to a Twitter user whose address you don’t know.  Most useful in the UK is SendSocial.com, whose couriers will pick up and deliver packages to anyone as long as you have their email address or Twitter ID.

“Heart attack? Yellow card!” Nice one, ref… (Yahoo News)
Just because.


Santa baby…

(I’ve had Santa Baby stuck on continuous loop in my head for days now, even though I’ve been avoiding all shopping centres and other xmas venues.  To exorcise the muzakal demons, I’m writing my letter to Santa…)

* * * * * * *

Dear Fat Man, Hogfather, La Befana, Grandfather Frost, Jack the Pumpkin King, or whoever you are,

I may not have been a good girl all year, but I’ve been a pretty good bad girl.  And you have millions of small children sit on your lap, so who are you to judge?  This is some stuffs I want:

Subscriptions to Wired UK, Focus, or some other witty sci/tech type magazines.

A calendar.  The kind with big boxes for the days, so I can write appointments n stuff down for me, the Animal, and the baby when she gets here.  One with pretty pictures of trees, or celestial bodies, or megaliths or something.  I’ve got a couple of free promotional calendars from the likes of housing associations and midwifery teams stashed away, but it’s always nice to have a calendar that’s pleasing to look at – it makes writing down dental appointments etc less of a chore…

Good books, by which I mean interesting enough to read more than once.  Fictionwise, maybe something by Neal Stephenson or William Gibson, cos I’m old skool like that.  I’d say Sheri S. Tepper too, but I think I’ve read everything of hers that’s still in print.  For non-fiction, stuff about psychology/game theory/neuroscience, culture (popular or otherwise), and ancient history is always good.

Socks.  Unoriginal, but highly traditional.  And actually needed, cos my boot linings are torn ragged and the heels of all my socks have worn through.

Playthings: like some bondage tape, and one of those interesting-looking Wartenberg pinwheel things from Bondage Boutique.

Gadgetry, and other semi-pointless but nifty things.  I still love the Moon In My Room light, and I could do with something that cleans computer stuff like a mini hoover or that Cyber Clean goo.  In general, almost anything from Firebox will make me happy.

Food.  Nuts are always good, likewise dried fruit.  And gingerbread.   And jellybeans, especially Jelly Belly ones.  And those minty candy canes.  In fact, I’ve just discovered you can get Jelly Belly candy canes.  Not so keen on chocolate and biscuits, but I’ll still happily eat them cos, y’know, it’s festive and whatnot.

What else?  Things for the baby.  Timesavers.  Random surprise stuff that I never thought of (Mum’s good at those).  And, as Marilyn sings, cheques (“Sign your name on the line…”).

That’s all I can think of for this year.  Don’t get stuck in the chimney we haven’t got, and if you see any mince pies sitting around when you get here, they’re mine.

From Machiavelli Id, age 33 and 1/4.


Baby consumers

Nice ambiguity.

Why is there such a mountain of things I apparently need or should want for the baby?  Changing tables, sterilisers, strollers, matching hat-bib-and-booties sets, rockers, bouncers, cots, baskets, mats, mobiles,  baby monitors (with webcam and Skype!), tiny training shoes, nursing cushions (haven’t I got those already? I’m sure I saw some in my bra the other day). 

How did babies survive before all this crap existed?  Can’t they just sleep in a cardboard box & play with a piece of cloth?  Will I be a terrible, miserly mother if I don’t think my baby needs so much stuff?  Can’t I make a mobile myself, instead of buying one that’s been designed to look better from the side than it will to the baby looking up at it?

Then there’s the maternity stuff: an entire wardrobe of clothes you’ll only be wearing for a few months, and an armoury of equipment and general clutter.  Breast pumps.  TENS machines.  Pads and creams of various kinds.  Special pillows.  Unfathomable brassieres that seem to have been designed for ugliness and lack of support.  Hippie books about yoga, meditation, aromatherapy and such for pregancy and birth.  Draconian books about sleeping and feeding schedules, potty training, and how to punish and/or viciously ignore your child if they do stuff you don’t like. Inflatable birthing pools (actually, I quite want one of those - it’d be nice to have the occasional family bath after the birth…  But I’ll get mine on ebay).

I like to think I’m intelligent and tenacious enough to figure most stuff out after a while.  I sat and gawped in befuzzlement for a good couple of hours last night at a popular mother&baby catalogue, trying to grasp the principles governing the pricing: what’s included and what has to be bought separately; what HAS to be bought separately if you don’t want the main purchase to be rendered pointless, as opposed to what’s being upsold and was pointless from the start (witness the vastly overpriced bedding with the twee cartoon puppy, retailing at a slightly higher price than the actual cot it’s being suggested for).  Eventually I tore out a couple of pages, chucked the rest in the recycle bin, and gave up trying to grok the mindset of the rich, idle mother-to-be who actually wants and buys all that shit.

I promise I won’t put the baby in a cardboard box to sleep.  As a playpen, though, maybe…